For those tuning in for the first time, I am Mr. Mom this week at my house. I gave my wife the craziest gift I have ever given her - complete freedom - she’s out to lunch now with a friend (actually, I must have been out to lunch when I offered my gift!). NO I didn’t inhale either!

My day started at 4:47 am with a wake up nudge from my wife (and no it’s not what you think). There was a beeping noise in the house and of course SHE thought a time bomb was going off any moment to kill us all. After I convinced her that there was no time bomb, she said it was the heater and our house was going up in flames. Again, I calmed her. Finally after using the radon detector throughout the entire house, we ID-ed the noise as a child’s toy with batteries. It was going off because some little person had put a book on top activating the button. I’ve now told them all they could have killed us and to NEVER touch that toy again. I’ve also made a note to tell the out-laws er…in-laws, parents and other “well meaning” gift givers that ANY toy requiring batteries will immediately be put in the the incinerator. More later on my Mr. Mom day (and week) later…

Special request: I need a rock band. Here’s the scoop. A few months ago I posted about needing a theme song for a conference. My friend and Daily Planet beat reporter Rick Laney suggested Van Halen’s Right Now song which would play as I came on stage (Rick you win the prize). Now, my National Speakers Association winter meeting has an unusual request. My speaker buddy, Eric Chester had the idea that each participant at our SpeakerPalooza (winter meeting) held in San Francisco, would put their  favorite rock band along side the name for the meeting. Mark LaBlanc, our president has chose the pithy theme of NSA Rocks and EVERYTHING he is doing uses rock music as a metaphor. It’s been…well groovy tunes to the max.

So is this: Do I use a band from my early years like Dire Straits or The Doobie Brothers, or a favorite band from the 80’s like Huey Lewis and the News or Stevie Windwood, or a 90’s group like the Spin Doctors, or a new favorite like the Dave Matthews band for my name tag? Or do I use groups I have seen in concert (including the Doobie Brothers) like Boston, AC/DC, Poco, Dan Fogleberg, George Benson, The Commodores and Earth, Wind, and Fire. I could also go with Bach or Bachman Turner Overdrive. I could also show my more metro side and choose James Taylor or Taylor Hicks. Or I could show my beach side and pick Jimmy Buffet or I could choose Warren Buffet (doesn’t he have a band?). SO many choices so little time (due December 20th). What do you think? Who am I missing? The winning suggestion wins double the money Rick won.

Mr. Mom poses another more pressing question:

How do you get ink stains out of pants and grease out of a shirt? Both have been soaked in nearly every commercially available laundry chemical (but not put in the dryer).

Gotta run, the kids could be burning down the house with the fire torch I left blocking the door, while I ran to my computer to write my wife, to tell her how much the kids I miss her.

I am writing this post from the lobby of the Peabody Hotel in Memphis. I am awaiting the arrival of the famous Peabody ducks. As you MAY know, every day the ducks come down the elevator from the top floor penthouse where they live to swim in the lobby fountain for the day. When I arrived on Tuesday, I was sitting near where I am sitting now listening to the piano player play a variety of Broadway show tunes, Christmas Carols and classical music. As I looked around at the ornate and festive surroundings, I reflected on a conversation I had with the rental car shuttle bus driver (June) who took me to pick up my car. On the way to the lot she asked me where I was staying. I told her and quoted the ridiculously low price I was paying for a Four Star/Four Diamond Hotel. She responded with “that is more than I make in a day.” Wow! She truly thought I was wealthy…if she only knew howI defined “rich” and how “rich” I really am. Further conversation revealed that June was born in Memphis and that she had never been to the Peabody. Never stepped inside one of the south’s most historic and celebrated hotels. I couldn’t believe it.

My travels have take me to Memphis many times and I have had the pleasure of staying at the Peabody both here and in Orlando several times. I have also seen, or stayed in many historic and luxury hotels including; The Breakers in Palm Beach, The Phoenician in Scottsdale, The Homestead in Virginia, several Ritz Carlton Hotels, The Four Seasons Palm Beach, The Biltmore Miami and Asheville, The Grand Hotel on Macinac Island, The Warwick Hotel in New York and many others. I have also worked for the Ponte Vedra Inn and Club, a beautiful ocean front Five Diamond property. These experiences have helped me experience thifestyle of the rich and famous without being either.

I am truly a shorts and flip flop or jeans and sweat shirt kind of a guy. I can be just as happy staying at a motel on the beach with sandy floors or at a mountain cabin that might have the aroma of years of visitors. BUT the place I stay that brings me the most comfort and love is the one I will stay in tonight (my home with my family). But it’s fun every now and again to stay at or visit an ornate hotel (particularly an older one).

So as result of meeting June (an African American woman in her late 50’s), I am going on a date in January. June and I have exchanged phone numbers so when I come back to Memphis, I am going to ask her to put on her Sunday best and meet her at the Peabody for dessert and coffee. We’ll watch the ducks march out of the lobby fountain and raise a glass, as they make their way to the elevator to the top floor of the hotel. Those rich, spoiled, overfed ducks…

My friends and family who know me well, know how much I love to laugh. It’s like the stuff of life… no, it’s like air. I HAVE to do it regularly. So, since I need laughter to live, I feel compelled sometimes to do things to make others laugh because what goes around comes around right? So this next line probably won’t shock you - I like to make unusual and fun messages on my answering machine at home. I also like to leave messages and make phone calls using different character voices (I have Patrick Fraley, one of the voices of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to thank. His Using Character Voices for Fun and Profit is outstanding!). Long time friends are on to me but every once in awhile an unsuspecting new friend gets the “Tim Treatment”. It goes something like this (with a strong British accent)“Hi Mr. Van Winkle. It’s Freddick P. Bodywrap with the Love Life City Morgue. Today we are offering a special - “buy two funeral services, get your mother-in-laws absolutely free”. This limited time offer expires…well before you expire….which we hope… You probably get the picture.

Last week, it was my friend Anne’s birthday. Anne is the coolest girl I know. We met when we were freshmen at Florida Southern College and stay in contact about twice a year. I LOVE Anne-sters (my name for her) as she makes me laugh and she has the hippest lingo - it’s really a culture. But as you’ll see below, she is like a sister to me. When my wife and I were married, I told Anne-sters that I wanted her to be a groomswoman in my wedding, but the numbers just didn’t play out (I just think she didn’t want to wear a tux).

So last week, I call on her birthday and give her the “Tim Treatment”. If I say so myself, it was ….well … very… let’s just say “not that there is anything wrong with it” ( for all you Seinfeld lovers). She sent me the email below. It made my day.

Tim,

So every year, my birthday falls on or near Thanksgiving. It’s always a mixed blessing for me because even though I get to spend my birthday with my family, I get to spend my birthday with my family. . . if you know what I mean.

This year, we were driving back from South Carolina. A what-should-be 5 hour drive took 7 hours and included, bumper to bumper traffic due to a flipped tractor-trailer, two overflowing diapers of pee pee and pooh pooh that permanently seeped into the car seat fabric, door-to-door crying and general gnashing of teeth. As we drove into the garage we all let out a sigh of relief to be home.

Due to the extenuating circumstances, I had no cake, no cards from my children or husband and no gifts to open on my birthday. Not that I’m fussy, but that sucks.

The best part of my day was getting your message. It was such a wonderful feeling to have a 5 minute belly laugh after the stress of my trip, but also to be remembered every year from you, my friend I have known for 27 years who-if-I-kissed-I’d-throw-up. I think I even forgot your birthday this year. Thank you for remembering me!!!

Anne-sters

It’s up to you now. Go make someone’s day. After all, what goes around comes around. If you are in the Richardon Circle of Trust (watch Meet the Parents), or a member of the village, when you least expect it you just might hear….”Hello, this is the White House. I have Hillary on the line…can you hold for her?”

Tim Richardson is an inspirational speaker who speaks about how giving increases employee morale, lowers employee turnover, increases customer loyalty and creates higher profits for Fortune 500 companies, associations, and national conventions. He is the founder of the The Worlds Biggest Blog Party an event which will connect bloggers from all over the world to raise money for charity. He is also founder and president of the Bill Walter Melanoma Research Fund. For more information on Tim, go to www.TimRichardson.com

Random Black Friday Thoughts:

I’ll admit it, I went Black Friday-ing. YES I did it. I woke up at 4:45 (with my cursed internal alarm mind you!), puttered around until 6:00 and then went to Office Depot, Circuit City, Lowe’s and EVEN picked up something for my wife at Walmart. Walmart was tame in comparison to the other stores which were NUTS! I mean lines from the back of the store to the front. Parking lots full. Wallets empty. Police directing traffic. Traffic in the store. Road rage. Range of rogue stuff. We’re sick people, I mean sick!

I’ll call “Pat”, was almost at the checkout (glory land). “Pat” told me that he/she couldn’t sleep the night before because he/she was so excited. Funny guy … err friend. I noticed as he, my friend, left the store, he/she had a big blanket and other frigid weather gear (indicating that he’d been there a bit before six). He had a smile on his face as he left. I am not sure if he was just rubbing it in or if his new purchase brought him that much joy.

Forgive me Thomas Watson as I am a sinner though feeling exceedingly joyful about about my future sin. It’s something I have been thinking about for awhile and just haven’t had the courage to do it. I am having some feelings of betrayal after years of being an IBM kind of guy. Soon I am going to take a big bite of a …. Mac (Apple Computer) - I hope by years end. I am thinking I will feel like Paul on the road to Damascus. For any NOT familiar with the story, in Bible times, Paul persecuted Christians fervently and had a conversion after hearing God’s voice. He was blind for three days and became one of the staunch supporters of Christianity. He wrote a lot of the New Testament.

I think I am going blind and may wake up one day soon an Apple convert. As I told my friend and fellow professional speaker Bruce Turkel, I need a disciple, a messiah, someone who has traveled the road to heal my affliction, or tell me if the life after will be just as good with an Apple as with an IBM! What shall I do? What shall I buy? Will I burn in hell for turning my back on my long time friend? WWJD – What Would (Steve) Jobs Do?

They really should call it Gray Friday as I am sure many turn prematurely gray fighting over their purchases. Or maybe Black Eye Friday since some people get rather passionate about their purchases and fights have broken out. Or perhaps Red Friday because they are people who say they hate to shop (me) and then get up ridiculously early, fight crowds, and buy things they don’t need. The best name might be Blue Friday because today they are worrying about how they are going to pay off their credit cards and pondering how much they really “saved” knowing they are paying 18% interest.

Did you know, there’s actually a web site for Black Friday shoppers now? Perhaps there needs to be a support group. Hi, my name is Tim (everyone “Hi Tim”). I have a problem…

I had WAY too much to do today to sneak away for what might be one last glimpse of fall, but I had too much to loose not to do it - family time, a crystal clear day, short pants weather - 71 degrees on November 20th and and a worry-free Thanksgiving, (we’re not hosting or traveling for the first time ever!).

We were headed to the Great Smoky Mountains to re-hike a trail I did on Saturday with the kids and saw the sign for the Dancing Bear Lodge. I serve on the Jeff Roth Cycling Foundation Board with the GM of the Dancing Bear and remembered he had extended an invitation to come see his mountain biking trails. So we took a u-turn and explored the trails - all seven of us - on foot.

It was after 5:00 when we arrived and the colors of the late afternoon sun illuminated the majestic mountains. The reds were redder, the yellow more yellow, and the orange just all orangy, (is that a word?).

Fall is lingering this year and the last few days have been some of the prettiest days of the season. I am thinking maybe ole’ Al Gore was right about global warming. Perhaps along with creating the internet, he invented global warming (the founder of The Weather Channel said last week that GW was a bunch of bunk). Perhaps Al set the weather patterns into motion. I think as I write, he’s filling up his SUV and letting ‘er run while he shops at a Walmart for items packaged with too much packaging, in a lot without a tree in sight. Maybe Al has his illegal alien landscaper blasting his Nashville and DC neighbors out of their easy chairs with a Black and Decker turbo leaf blower. Maybe Al and Tipper’s carbon footprint is the biggest one of all and it’s happening because he’s still fretting over a few missing Chads in Florida. Maybe he’s the one who let all those shopping bags loose in San Francisco that caused them to be outlawed. Perhaps he works at Walmart….hmmm…..maybe the new greeter at your local WALlet Mart is really Al Gore in disguise. I digress.

If days like today are the result, I say bring on global warming. Put Al Gore on the ticket in 2008. I like colors; I like them late; and I like enjoying them Thanksgiving week. I’m dancing inside and out. I am wondering if Al is too… Nobel Peace Prize and all.

Tim Richardson is an inspirational speaker who speaks about how giving increases employee morale, lowers employee turnover, increases customer loyalty and creates higher profits for Fortune 500 companies, associations, and national conventions. He is the founder of the The Worlds Biggest Blog Party an event which will connect bloggers from all over the world to raise money for charity. He is also founder and president of the Bill Walter Melanoma Research Fund. For more information on Tim, go to www.TimRichardson.com

It took long enough but finally someone said what I have wanted to say about The Secret. Granted they said it way more effectively and humorously than I, but at least the secret about “The Secret” has now been discovered by my friend Rick Laney (aka Clark Kent). You rock, Rick!

Apparently, Rick used his secret decoder pen, Pulitzer Prize winning writing, and Scooby Doo like Mystery Machine to uncover the truth about The Secret. I’m calling it - “Secret Gate” Hey, I am a motivational/inspirational speaker kind of guy and I have “friends” from my National Speakers Association who are in the secret movie. HOWEVER I believe, like Rick, that it’s all a bunch of bunk. It’s not that I believe people don’t have some control of their future - I do believe that that do. However, willing yourself to be successful by imagining you own a certain kind of house, car, or boat isn’t going to make it happen (Rick has proof), Picturing yourself finding the perfect trophy wife or trophy husband or visualizing that you’ll look like the Hulk or Wonder Woman will not change your appearance, (sorry to break it to you). I don’t have a problem with having a dream board or a goal list. I certainly don’t have any problem with professional speakers, (some have helped change my life). I’ll never knock motivational books and tapes (though some are full of crap). These are tools to be used along with common wisdom, education, good teachers and mentors, and old-fashioned, get-in-the-trenches hard work. (That is certainly a secret to young people who expect a short clip on YouTube will make them famous for life). Belief in God doesn’t hurt either.

Read his post and laugh a little - it will make you last longer and that’s no secret.

Tonight I caught part of the show of two world class guitarist. Their names are Mark Cosgrove and Roberto Della Vecchia and they played at the Palace Theatre near where I live. A guy named Steve Kauffman owns the theatre and he is an amazing guitarist as well. $13 bucks for some great musical inspiration was more than worth it. Their music reminded me of some great times I have had with music over the years. Some of my favorite guitarists include professional speaker buddies

I haven’t watched the show but a few months ago my professional speaker friend Willie Jolly recommended my wife and me for a show called Trading Spouses (I know what you’re thinking, you don’t trade EVERYTHING!) Before I could even say no, I actually received a ca ll from a speakers bureau based in Knoxville about being on the show. I pitched it to my wife (just for fun) knowing the following:
a. I would miss her dearly (even if for a week or two)

b. There’s NO WAY any woman would ever measure up to my wonderful, loving and incredible wife

c. There would be NO way in #&@ she would ever do it 

What got me thinking about this Wife Swap was a comment posted on a recent blog by my friend Sarah. Sarah suggested that if I wanted to see the real world, I should take the difficult yet important job that my wife has of homeschooling our children and running a household. Years ago, after seeing Mr. Mom, I thought I could do it. Hmmm.

Having just returned from a wonderful walk in Berkley, CA where I got to watch the sun set over the city of San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge, I feel inspired. So inspired I am going to propose to my wife that we do a job swap for a week. Here online in front of both of the people who read my blog, I am going to give my wife a gift on her birthday (and I am going to see if Randy, Sarah’s husband) will join me in this Real World trade.

While there’s no way I am qualified to do what my wife does (and she is probably not interested in doing what I do), I am going to offer to take over her job as president and CEO of domestic affairs for one week. I am going to do everything (well almost every thing) she does and let her do some of what I do (but only if she chooses). After traveling almost every week since August, I am going to be home most of December and feel a long over due treat should be given to her. So along with my “new job” hunt, I’ll be running the homefront, baby. I’ll take it like a man and I’ll post regularly (if I am not t0o exhaused). Guys, anyone else with me?

In addition to a surpise party and a week of a job swap, I am also going to give her a gift certificate to a spa - perhaps the spa at The Claremont where I am staying on this trip. I’ll be back in the Bay area on business in February and hopefully, I can save up my pennies and make this where she spas (is that a word?). It just seems like a good time for a get-a-way (thanks Laurie for this suggestion!) I am listening girlfriend!

December is my wife’s birthday and it’s going to be one suprise after another …if I survive the job swap…come to think of it, it just might be easier just to swap wives…nah, I’ve got it WAY too good.

I just returned from my son’s Boy Scout camporee (which basically means lots of boys, lots of testosterone, and lots of smelly clothes). When I was a scout, women were forbidden to come on camping trips –there are just some things that we just didn’t want them to know and it just would have ruined everything to have them there. Tonight, as in every troop event I have been on, there were women – gross me out! So I have been thinking both about women and my scouting experience. One aspect of scouting is Order of the Arrow, which is an elected leadership honor. The OA has a motto - WWW which means We Want Women (at least it did when I was a scout!). Actually, if I told you what it really meant, I’d have to kill you. So you’ll just have to keep with the teenage definition we gave it. In truth, I think scouting is probably better with women participating. Our troop has a boy with Downs Syndrome and his mother (or father) is with him at every event and our troop welcomes her and other women as well. If women had been involved in scouting when I was young, I probably would have never gotten a swirlie (if you don’t know what a swirlie is, you can ask a scout from my era. Trust me you are better off NOT knowing). Men leaders in my day either just let it pass (not referring to other things scouts do on campouts) or are just too full from Dutch oven cooked peach cobbler to walk around and see what REALLY happened to young scouts. So I am thankful for the difference woman make in scouting.My friend Kathy Roth, founder of the Jeff Roth Cycling Foundation, emailed me about other women making a difference - Women Writing for (a) Change.This is an organization, a writing center of sorts, located in Cincinnati founded by Mary Pierce Brosmer. Women Writing for (a) Change was initially started with the idea that, through writing and sharing their work, women might make systemic changes in their lives, and thus, the world. Over the past 15 plus years, it’s grown beyond that. There are writing workshops for families and men as well. In the summer, there are writing camps for girls. The biggest focus remains women.I also learned today about Lending Promise another very cool project that involves woman.  I must confess tonight, I feel like a womanizer and the great thing, is that my wife is okay with it….just for tonight.  

Tim Richardson is an inspirational speaker who speaks about how giving increases employee morale, lowers employee turnover, increases customer loyalty and creates higher profits for Fortune 500 companies, associations, and national conventions. He is the founder of the The Worlds Biggest Blog Party an event which will connect bloggers from all over the world to raise money for charity. He is also founder and president of the Bill Walter Melanoma Research Fund. For more information on Tim, go to www.TimRichardson.com

I am in Las Vegas today and it’s probably good that much of what happens here stays here. Every time I come here, I am immediately ready to leave. It’s just not one of my favorite places. I am speaking at the Sales Mastery Forum, a conference produced by Harris Hoopis who is one of the top agents in the Northwestern Mutal Life Insurance Company. Harry is rich in many ways and I suspect after I get to know him even better, I’ll find out how he is helping people in Chicago have more rich lives.

Before I come to a city to speak, I always like to find the names of people who are difference makers so I emailed several people who lived there before my trip. One person I contacted was a self-made entreprenuer who is known for flamboyant clothes and a flashy lifestyle. I asked her if she knew any REAL Rich People - people who were rich because they were making a difference, she replied with this:

Not in my crowd!!! If I do they are too subtle for me…also for Vegas.

It that’s true, it’s also sad. But perhaps the people who do make a difference here are so humble that they too believe…what happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.

***

Trivia and more:

Who was the person who made the statement for which this post is titled?  First correct answer will win a cheap and highly superficial prize!

One of my all time favorite Broadway shows Momma Mia is playing at the Mandalay Bay hotel where I am staying. If you ever get they chance, go see it, it’s truly one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. What’s your favorite Broadway play or musical and why?

Tim Richardson is an inspirational speaker who speaks about how giving increases employee morale, lowers employee turnover, increases customer loyalty and creates higher profits for Fortune 500 companies, associations, and national conventions. He is the founder of the The Worlds Biggest Blog Party an event which will connect bloggers from all over the world to raise money for charity. He is also founder and president of the Bill Walter Melanoma Research Fund. For more information on Tim, go to www.TimRichardson.com