Mr. Mom: The Saga continues:

4:30: Wake up

4:45: Mount St. Laundry/plan day (write note that says, “bring towel to gym”)

5:22: Arrive at Rush fitness center

5:49: Disembark from stair stepper (VERY short X-ercise as trip to the car to look for towel shortens workout). Hey even a few minutes is better than nothing even though it’s not X-treme

5:51: Shower (dry of with paper towels and Accelerator hand dryer - the one that can blow your skin off your body)

6:11: Arrive late to Bible study(the group is already praying. I need them to stop and pray for me!)

7:08: Run quick errand downtown

7:32: Arrive back home to wake up kids

7:45: Make 4 quick business calls and check email

8:13: Burn grits (everyone north of the Mason-Dixon cheer in unison)

8:28: Change wet sheets (urgh!!!)

9:03: Began home school till you drop

9:11: Quiet whining of older kids that they “don’t like me as their teacher”

9:40: Wife leaves for doctor appointment, errands and Starbucks

9:43: Miss my wife more than should be allowed

9:49: Send older two kids out to get fresh air (and so I can breathe)

9:58: Hear protest march outside front door led by oldest son

9:59: Screamed something that my mother made me say (it was something like -  you don’t know how easy you have it. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE …swore I would never say that). Then something about having to walk to school… uphill both ways… in the snow… carrying football pads AND my trumpet (yes I did both)

12:30 - 12:45: Multi-task episode one: listen to Paul Harvey while making lunch (fresh broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, salad and spaghetti (left overs)

1:30: Wash dishes while giving spelling test and more home school till you drop

1:36: Whining and gnashing of teeth

2:37: Wife comes home (Kool and the Gang ‘Celebration’ music plays while confetti falls from the ceiling)

3:30: Think: gotta  get out of the house or someone is going to get hurt. IDEA: P.E. time!!! Go jump on neighbors trampoline (kid hurls…can’t remember his or her name)

4:45: Errands with everyone, including a stop at new downtown men and womens clothing shop Boyd Thomas Clothing (the more words in the name, the nicer the clothes …Exhibit A- Walmart, K-mart, Target - got it?). On the way out of the store, kids are ticketed by fashion police (remember I am doing EVERYTHING this week. What’s wrong with red and pink and UT orange colored shoes?)

5:58: Walk downtown streets of The Ville (I flat out refuse to pronounce my town Maryville like as MURVAL like some do (say Maryville like you  have a mouth full of marbles or more likely Redman)

6:01-6:03: Enjoying Christmas lights until “I’m hungry” whining starts

6:31: Multi-task: the prequel (throw Kashi frozen pizza in the oven, return phone calls wearing head set while fixing kids plates and bathing three)

6:52: Kids whine about having to eat healthy pizza(mom enters my body for the second time: “Don’t you know there are starving kids in Africa who would would love to eat this dinner?”).  Almost 12 and too sassy for his size son says, “Wouldn’t it be spoiled when it arrived there?” My chore load is now lightened for tomorrow! Son whines about it not being fair.

7:02: Mop up Niagara Falls in bathroom

7:11: Serve dinner to kids, wash dishes, read bedtime stories, grade home school math. Tell wife how incredible she is

8:33: Eat cold pizza with wife in dining room with candles and romantic music (to drown out three year old’s whining which turns to wailing from upstairs bedroom prison)

9:23: Mount St. Laundry II: The return of Jedi Laundry Warrior (still can’t get ink stains out with hair spray of FAVORITE pants - make up song to the tune of Sleigh bells ring, are you listening. Goes like this:

Heloise are you listening. In my house, ink is glistening, a beautiful day, with plans gone astray, walking in a whiner wonder land

9:45: Check email again, blog and tell wife, “Not tonight, I have a headache!”

10:32: Lights out

10:32: 1/2 fall into kid induced coma